2014: A Review

Look, I know it’s pretty cheesy to post a thing reflecting on the past year at the end of December. But I keep seeing all these things on Facebook that supposedly summarize what happened and they all say “It's been a great year! Thanks for being a part of it.” They wanted me to do one too, but my Facebook posts would hardly be an accurate representation of my life in 2014. Life is so much more than what I post on Facebook, partly because I don’t really think anyone cares and also I don’t post everything I’m feeling all the time.

 And, also, there were barely any people involved in my 2014 who are on Facebook. I have barely over 100 friends on Facebook, and of those, maybe a quarter of them post stuff semi-regularly. And of those people, probably ten of them are active on my Facebook posts. I probably have more active followers on Tumblr than I do Facebook (this is a lie. Maybe five people reblog my stuff on Tumblr. But I love those guys, especially if any of them are reading this).

So, my 2014. Here it goes.

Overall, 2014 kinda sucked. I spent most of it living in North Carolina with my family. I had no friends, I was barely active in church because I apparently lived too far away for anyone in my ward to care about me, I had a job that I kinda liked but it really didn’t pay enough and wasn’t enough of a substitute for an actual social life since I saw the same six people every day. I watched and rewatched my Community DVDs so much it’s probably sad how well I know that show. I would spend my whole time watching TV or movies. I would bounce from the TV to Netflix on my computer to watching Community on the TV in my room. There were many, many days when I never left my room because I had no reason to. My living situation sucked. I love my family, but living with my parents and my sister’s family was not the best for me. My sister and I don’t get on well and since they were the only people I saw most days, it was a tense situation to say the least. I could spend a lot of time talking about how depressed and hopeless I felt while I was there. Other lowlights…my grandmother died, after just losing my grandfather six months earlier in December, we gave up our dog when we moved to Kansas, my freelance writing career died spectacularly, and, oh yeah I was spending every day sitting alone in my room contemplating my empty future.

I would probably not have gotten through it if it weren’t for the few friends I do have. I won’t go into the details because this is a public personal blog and the details aren’t really important, plus I don’t want this to turn into some sappy yearbook thing. Suffice to say, there are two people without whom I would have probably gone insane or worse.

Thankfully, the year hasn’t been all bad. I got to go to a concert with one of the aforementioned friends, which is always a delight in spite of the broken A/C and the teenage girls with their douchey-looking boyfriends in the audience. I also had a pretty fun time camping with my family in the summer, after my grandmother’s funeral. I also managed to make some money, surprisingly. I went to my cousin’s wedding and it was gorgeous. And we moved to Kansas.

Oh Kansas. A state I never really thought much about before. I didn’t and still don’t know much about it beyond farmland and tornadoes, but it is amazing how much that state has changed me. We’ve been here three months and I have been happier than I have been in a very long time.

This place is great. It’s different than anywhere we’ve lived before. Everything is super close and there’s a lot of stuff in the area. I’ve been to three different movie theaters already, all no more than like fifteen minutes away. There is a massive mall not a minute down the road from us. It’s amazing. So many new experiences here and I love new experiences.

I got a job almost immediately after we got here. We were walking in the mall, seeing what was there, and we stopped at the Crocs store and I saw they were hiring. Turned in an application a couple days later and after a couple interviews, I was hired. It’s not ideal, but it’s still a job and it is open enough that it gives me time to pursue other employment.

Oh man, church here. I can’t even…it’s incredible. I don’t think the ward I’m in realizes how awesome it is. I keep saying how everyone here is so nice, and it’s true. Not only are people pretty cool about giving me rides places, they actually remember me. They invite me to things and then a few days later without me texting them first give me the details and actually seem to look forward to me showing up. What is that. Being remembered? People don’t think about me. I just exist in a void where I force myself into people’s lives. But not here it seems. I have no idea how to handle that. I haven’t quite made any like, concrete friends yet, but I am definitely making progress. I can’t expect to find bosom buddies so quickly (although for some reason I still kind of do). But really like…how can these people be so nice all the time? I don’t get it. People don’t care about me like that. They don’t remember me and include me in conversations at tables or invite me to sit with them. It doesn’t happen. It’s just a fact. And yet…here we are. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

Do I have a life here? Eh, sort of. Nothing like super permanent as of yet. I really enjoy it here, although there is definitely room for improvement. Which I guess leads me into quasai-resolutions for 2015? I’m not making any firm commitments here, just general hopes and things I’d like to accomplish.

I want to move out of my parents’ house and into an apartment with a friend. Whether it’s here or elsewhere, it’s the top of my to-do list for the next year. It really really needs to happen. I can’t have a burgeoning social life with my parents hanging out in the background (especially if I start getting some attention from the fellas, amiright? [No, yeah that…that isn’t going to happen]).

I really really really need to get my license this year. I’m at my limit, finally. I’m slowly overcoming the anxiety about it, and I think the necessity will override the fear at some point.

Immediately following that, I need a car. Without a car, a license is practically a moot point for me.

I also need a better job. Like…one that actually is going to provide for me enough that I can live on my own and get a car.

I want to make a plan for my writing and stick with it. Something simple and not too intimidating or overwhelming. Like my license, this is a desire that has been building for a while and has reached its boiling point and has started to bubble over a little. I’m going crazy about it, though I think I’m hiding it well (not).

I also have plans to become healthier. Again, something simple and easy. I need to realize that it’s not about doing a crash diet or pushing myself to extremes to get a lot of results fast. It takes time. As my doctor said, it’s not about six months from now. It’s about six years.

I want to learn how to say “no” to people when they need something from me that would really inconvenience me. Not like, in a selfish way. But when work calls me and wants me to take an extra eight hour shift on my day off or something like that. I need to learn that it is OK to say “no” occasionally and that I have control over my life and the decisions I make. I often say “yes” to things I shouldn’t and end up stressing myself out over them when I could have said “no” and both I and the other person would have been fine.

I need to master control over my finances. Keeping real track of my spending and whatnot. Budgeting. Etc.

I think that’s about it for now. These are pretty basic things that most people already have, and it’s about time that I join the adult world and start living my life to its potential. I am capable of more and I should act like it.

So yeah. 2015. The year I adult. It’s going to be my year. I can tell. It’ll be great.