Literally No Idea What I am Doing

 This post is not about marriage. Very few things of the last month have lined up with my expectations for this period of my life. And before the chorus of "well duhs" come in, hold on a sec and listen to my rambling.  I didn't expect to be in my mid-thirties. I didn't expect to meet on an app. I didn't expect to be in Kansas. I didn't expect my dad to be dead. And I didn't expect that my sister would hate me. Hah! You thought this was going to be another post about my dead dad, didn't you? Nope, sucker. It's a totally different emotional and depressing familial scenario. I mean the dead dad thing still sucks, don't get me wrong. Especially at this time of year. But this is a whole separate kettle of onions, can of worms, giant stinky mess. I know that just by writing this (and inevitably posting on my Facebook), there's a chance my sister will see this and get extremely angry and make yet another post of her own on FB talking about how wro...

A friend and I were texting each other the other night and I told her how jealous I was that she works as a freelance writer and has written novels (or at least a good chunk of a novel) and that she gets to spend so much time working on her craft. This is nothing unusual for me; I spend a lot of my time marveling and admiring my friends and how awesome they are. I’ve told them this enough to probably make them plenty uncomfortable. Like so many of my feelings, it is perhaps best depicted in this comic from Girls With Slingshots (link) THIS IS HOW I FEEL 80% OF THE TIME ABOUT MY FRIENDS. *cough* ahem But really, they are that amazing. At least in my eyes. I have friends who are writers, voice actors, photographers, doctors, etc. They are doing what they love and they are doing it well. I don’t mind it. I love that they are happy. They’re all beautiful amazing people and I love them so much. But this has nothing to do with writing, except that their wonderful accomplish...

Look, I am going to be blunt here. Blunt and honest and completely frank. I have never, ever, openly talked about this, and honestly it is hard. But I am at a time in my life where I am recognizing the things that need to be changed and implementing plans on how to change them. So, here it goes. I am obese. I have been for as long as I can remember. When I was a teen, I was told I'd grow out of it. But I didn't. It's a problem that has plagued me my whole life. Though it may not have been a primary focus or concern, it was always there, lurking. Silent, but present. I know that I have been incredibly fortunate. I was never, as far as I recall, bullied or teased about my weight in any of the numerous places I lived and attended church. I don't even think my sister teased me about it. I have also never suffered any true adverse effects on my health because of my weight. I do not have diabetes, which I am especially thankful for due to my family history. The worst prob...

If I have one superpower (and lbhrn [lets be honest right now], I probs only have one), it would be procrastination. Proof? Well while I’m writing this post, I am also working on a Christmas card for a friend that I said I was going to be putting in the mail like, two days ago (Moogle-chan, I’m sorry that I suuuuck). Which is I guess less an example of procrastination and more an example of me sucking, except that it IS procrastination when Christmas is in less than a week. I also have a writing job that I should be working on because I said I would have it done before I left on Christmas Eve, but I’m not working on that yet. Why? Well, partly because they don’t pay me enough, BUT REALLY: I have a simultaneous fear of success and failure. Which I guess a lot of people do, but here is how it works into my procrastination. The longer I put off doing something, the longer I have where the thing I am creating still has potential. That might not be clear, so let me explain. I...