Christmas Without Key Limes

 

My dad is limes.

My memory of a perfect Christmas is a recipe for key lime pie.

The limes are all gone.

For most of the year, I don't really need or crave limes. Sure, there are times when I think limes would be good, or I particularly miss them, but there are so many other things that fill the need for limes. On a day to day basis, a lack of limes does not affect me too much.

Christmas though...Christmas was the time for limes. They are, after all, the key ingredient in a key lime pie. How can one have Christmas without them. There is nothing I can do to substitute limes and still come up with a key lime pie. I have all the ingredients in the world, except for the one that makes it work.

No matter how hard I try, I will never have key lime pie again.

Does that mean I still can't have something tasty? No, of course not. It just won't be key lime pie. It'll never be key lime pie. 

It's kind of a hard thing to accept. Every year, without fail, the craving for key lime pie comes up this time of year. And I know I can't have it. So why even try to make anything at all? If it can't be what I want, what I have deemed an ideal Christmas, why even have one?

I think, in spite of knowing all of this, I still want even a hint of what is missing. Just the faintest whiff. In my heart, I want to do all of it. All the traditions, all the stress and baking and planning. Christmas is never perfect, but I wish I could make it even close, just one more time.

Maybe some day we'll find the right mix to get a decent substitute. We're trying, at least. It won't be immediate. No recipe is correct the first time you try it, when you are starting from scratch. It takes experimentation and many, many failed attempts.

We'll never forget our key lime pie recipe, and I am sure part of me will always hope for it one day. But for now, I will take what I have and make something wonderful.

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