The post where I embarrass my friends

This is a sort of follow up to my last post. It's not about writing though. It's about my friends.

I am going to tell you about four of my dearest friends. For privacy reasons, I will be referring to them as M, E, A, and L. Which I didn't notice until right now spells MEAL. That was accidental. A couple of them do have an online presence, but since I am not telling them about this post, it is not my place to reveal their identities. If you know me personally, you probably will know to whom I am referring when I start talking about them.

I will be talking about them in the order that I met them. This means nothing beyond the fact that I have known M longer than I have known L.

M

So M is first. I have known M for a very, very long time. We met in middle school. For someone who moved around a lot as a kid, keeping in contact with a friend for that long is nothing short of a miracle for me.

When I say that M and I have been friends since the moment we met, I am not exaggerating. Our friendship was pretty instantaneous, and we have never stopped being friends ever since. We've never even fought. Not even once. We may not agree on things, but we never fight about them. And honestly, we don't even really disagree that often either. It's more like "this is my opinion and it may not be the same as yours, but that's totally chill and your opinion is also really interesting."

M is a beautiful person, inside and out. I have never say an unkind word about anyone, unless it was in the defense of a friend. In that case, she is steadfastly loyal and always on your side. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders, always telling me to pursue my dreams and making me believe I actually could. Her immediate response to my last post was to tell me to write more and that I absolutely could be a published novelist some day. And she really does mean it. She isn't one of those people that says that sort of thing to make you feel better. She truly believes in me, and it's humbling and incredibly flattering.

She is a driven, passionate person, and she has followed and chased down her dreams with an envious vigor. I know that she has broken off relationships before because she realized that she knew where she wanted to be and that the guy was a bum and didn't fit into her plans for success. And she has succeeded. Her career is almost entirely created from her own hard work. And her field is not an easy one to break into.

We used to joke that we share a brain. I am not entirely sure this is wrong. I suppose it is a natural result of having known someone for so long, but our connection is real. She's more than my "sister from another mister," (which all the rest of these girls are), she's like my twin. There are plenty of days that I would be lost without her. She has seen me through some of my worst periods, and has stuck with me. We have gone through periods where, for one reason or another, we do not talk much for the space of months, and our longest time without seeing each other is three years. But when we do reconnect or visit each other, it's like no time has passed at all.

E

E ruined my life. And I am forever grateful for that.

Before I met E, I was a content little nerd. I had my books and I had a couple of TV shows I liked. I was in my own little bubble. And then E came into my life and was all "hey, have you heard about Tumblr?" and "Hey, you should check out Community." 

Honestly, though, E helped me learn a lot more about who I am. I feel like I truly started to become myself after I spent time under E's influence. Which makes it sound like I am talking about drugs. I am not. Or am I? Oooooh.

No, but seriously. With E, I learned how to just be myself. I am goofy and weird and love pop culture and make obscure references and dumb jokes, and I love it. She encourages my entirely unhealthy obsessions with Community and the Sims, and that's perfectly fine. She taught me that I am allowed to be weird. She also teaches me to write. She makes me want to be a better writer and, like M, makes me feel like I have the potential to do it.

E is the person I talk to when I find something dumb and funny that I am not sure other people will get. E is the person I talk to when I feel mopey and sad and just want to crawl into my bed and sleep. She is wildly sarcastic, a brilliant writer, and a good, steady support when I need it. Random idea at midnight? I text E. My Sims do something weird? I text E. Obscure literary joke? I text E.

E has introduced me to some of the best things in my life. Music, TV, books, movies; things that have shaped who I am and helped me find myself. She is so smart, so talented, and always there when I need her. I can talk to her about anything and she immediately understands exactly how I feel and can commiserate with me. Like M, I do not recall us ever having a real fight, although we have only known each other half as long. But we see eye-to-eye on just about everything that I hardly see why we would fight at all. 

I have had some of the best times with E. Again, not drugs. Cruising around blasting "Thrift Shop" while going to go get food. Sneaking on campus to watch movies and TV shows with the projectors. Marathons of Lord of the Rings with faux drinking games. Harry Potter and Chinese food. The sweatiest of concerts. When I want to cut loose and relax, E is the person I go to. I am so sorry that I've made you sound like drugs.

Always have a friend that is smarter than you. Book smart, street smart, whatever. They will dazzle you with their knowledge while also teaching you so much you'll wonder how you could have been so blind.

A

I have known A only slightly longer than I have known E. It's even possible I met her first; I have a crap memory. Either way, E, A, and R (me) were a very dynamic...threesome. Hey another word! EAR! I'm on a roll.

A and I haven't always been as close as we are. We've definitely fought and clashed and there were many months when we didn't speak much to each other at all. But lately, she's become irreplaceable to me.

Unlike M and E, A is the person I go to  when I question. When I doubt. When I feel stuck and lost and gave no where to go. If I need answers, I turn to A. 

A is a rock of faith. She is solid and steady and I perhaps rely on her far too much. She is deep and thoughtful and incredibly strong. Not only does she help me find answers and clarity, she makes me question and learn.

I have no doubts that A is going to do great things with her life. I told her recently that she is going to set the world on fire, and I completely believe it. I don't think she would ever truly let something get in her way of fulfilling her dreams. She is like iron in my mind. Not necessarily stubborn, although she can be that, but just immovable in her faith and convictions in the best way possible.

A makes me want to be better than I am. She makes me want to live up to my potential. I can do better, be more, when I talk to her.

She helps me look, not just at my immediate situation, but at the bigger picture. The world, different cultures, different points of view. I've started to care about politics thanks to A. I've become more culturally sensitive. She grounds me in reality. While also at the same time building me up. Seriously, she is always praising me and I do not deserve it. But it is nice to know that when I am feeling sensitive about my looks, she will always tell me what perfect glowing skin I have (which is untrue like, 80% of the time).

Not to say we don't also have fun. But it's different. In a good way. It's not reckless or carefree, but it's fun. It's relaxed, it's super chill. It's junk food and a movie. It's a pause in the chaos. We still do some semi crazy things. Hiking up a (small) mountain to watch fireworks. Exploring a cave. Driving to Denny's at 1 in the morning. But with A, I feel like it will never get out of hand. I won't ever have to worry about doing something stupid or getting in serious trouble. As I said, she is a grounding influence.

Like my other friends, A believes in me even when I don't. She can somehow see the light inside of me and gently coaxes it out and helps it erase the darkness. I would be very lost without her. I am seeing her soon and I honestly cannot wait. Lengthy texts cannot compare to an in-person visit.

L

My most recent best friend, but definitely not the least. Well, no one is the least in my mind.

The funniest thing about L is that when I met her, I didn't want to like her. I've told her this, so it's not really a surprise. She was dating a good friend of mine and I didn't want to lose him to a relationship as I have lost friends before. I was also feeling somewhat bitter about the whole dating thing and seeing them all cutesy in love was just nauseating for me. I won't say my feelings were justified and mature, but I also won't say I was totally wrong to feel that way (especially considering what happened with B a few months later). I will say that I was completely wrong about L.

L is now married to my friend and I couldn't be happier for them both. They're an amazing couple and I love them dearly. I have a horrible memory, so I cannot remember the exact moment I realized how fantastic L was and how well we got along, but I do know it happened very quickly. Once I gave her the chance, I saw a kindred spirit that I knew I could be friends with.

There is a little bit of everyone in L. She is fun to be around, someone I can talk to about everything, and someone who helps me when I am falling. She is the only one of these four friends that lives locally, and although we do not see each other as much as we would like, we do talk almost every day (sometimes more than she and her husband talk via instant messaging/texts). The fact that she has made time for me even after being married really means a lot to me. Especially after what happened with B.

I am going to tell this story once. And I am not going to get very detailed because it is still painful and for brevity's sake. B and I became very close around this time last year. Like L, we became good friends very quickly. I felt like I could talk to her about anything and she could do the same. We seemed perfectly in sync. Spent a lot of time talking together and goofing off. I really felt like I could cut loose with her. We did push the limits of what I was comfortable with sometimes (taking a trip to an adult store to look for corsets. which we didn't end up buying anyway, comes to mind), but I thought it was great that I could be as weird as I wanted and she was weird right back. She told me I was her best friend. I was the only non-family member at her small wedding (besides my mom, who drove). Well, not long after she was married, she stopped talking to me. Completely shut me out. Never got an explanation, never got anything other than a book I let her borrow. I was hurt. I was angry. I wrote a letter telling her how I felt and threw around the phrase "how dare you" a number of times. Still nothing. But you know who was there for me through all of this? L.

L listened to me rant and rave. She stuck with me as I completely shattered. She repeatedly told me she wouldn't leave. She told me how awful it was to do that to someone who was supposed to be your friend. She even told me about how B had talked badly about me behind my back. For several months, I was incredibly delicate and fragile. I probably wouldn't have recovered if not for L. I can probably start trusting new friends again thanks to L.

Basically, L is amazing. I've used that word a lot in this post, but I can't help it. It's true. L is everything that B was for me, but with one major exception: I never feel like my standards are lowered around her. If anything, she, like A, helps me raise them. If I had kept being friends with B, I would not have stayed a very good member of my church. Thanks in a huge part to L, I am taking a major step forward next weekend. 

She may be younger than me (which I only found out recently), but she is everything I want to be when I grow up: friendly, driven, intelligent, creative, an upstanding and remarkable member of the Church, and, best of all, loyal. 

This is not meant to rank my friends or say that one is better than the other. If you were paying attention, you might have noticed that there were many overlapping traits. And these beautiful women have so many more qualities than I can talk about without writing novels to their deeds. I will probably thoroughly embarrass them, but that's fine with me! They deserve every last word of praise bestowed on them and so much more.

In a nutshell, this is what these friends mean to me:

M- Love
E- Joy
A- Stability
L- Peace

Oh oh! I just realized that the MEAL thing totally works. Because each one is different and provide me with different types of support, but all are fantastically amazing and when put together, they are just the best and provide me with everything I need. YES. Nailed it. Full circle.

And, as a note to M, E, A, and L: Don't you DARE tell me I am wrong or that you are inferior. I won't believe you and I will just start praising you even more.

And don't tell me I am equally amazing. That is hardly the case. The fact that you guys have put up with my constant whining, depression, anxiety, stressing, ranting, and general instability is nothing short of amazing to me. I will NEVER be able to repay the debt of gratitude I feel towards each and every one of you. Some day I hope you will all meet. At that moment, everything will be perfect in the world.

Thank you so much. I love you all.